today
today was the sort of day u enjoy only if u work in a mindless job like i do.i actually got grief from a couple of 16 year old girls for smoking and enjoyed it. the sad state that is my life. i swear i will never use the words "next please", "hi" or "thank u" in the span of three minutes ever unless its absolutely necessary!!
got up with a wierd feeling maily cos i got stoned last night. this is after more than a year of being clean so dont dismiss this as the raving, ok mild raving, ramblings of a junkie.surprise surprise, i couldnt smoke the shit. not because it was bad but maily because it didnt give me the same rush as it used to. last night was probably my last ever dance with mary jane, man. its the end of an era. a new begining. or, and this is probably closer to the truth, im growing old....aaaaaaa!!!i sound middle aged.
i have been trying to get some perspective and direction on my life for a while now and i just cant seem to figure any thing out. maybe im meant to be a free spirit, a planetary being. or maybe im a lazy fuck and im not trying hard enough. its possible but then again i really dont care. the only thing i want out of this life is to be happy nd ive found that its really not that hard. we can all go on about how bad life is for us and how screwed up we are but then we miss out on the good stuff. like waking up in the morning. im not a morning person believe me, but there's something marvelous about early mornings. like we are closer to god. if u notice, human beings, how much ever they complain about waking up, are much happier in the morning. it so much easier to smile. the worst time of the day is probably the after noon. i hate them, except lunch time maybe!hehe.
there are times in ur life when u fell like ur stuck. u get what im saying rite. im not talking quick sand like stuck but more like tar. there's no sinking. sinking would actually be moving in a certain direction, and that would actually be a positive. to move backwards in order to get ahead. but im stuck. and its frustrating. but i know il get by. ive been there before.
