times like these
i woke up this morning and i knew that there was something special about today. its not like anything had changed magically through the night. everything was quite the same. underwear lying on the floor beside the same pile of dirty socks but, and this is a big but, the feeling was differant. the mood had swung. i am now on the first rung on the ladder to middle age.
did i say this day seemed special. it was more like impossibly depressing. did the same old routine and now i know im gonna have to get the fuck out of here or im just going to burst. imagine that, blood, gore and tons and tons of lard splashed all over the place. sorry, my mental imagination seems to be driven by a extreme urge to mutilate my till machine.
anyway, back to my thoughts on the day after my 22nd birthday, which for some reason a lot of my friends forgot. and funnily enough most of the people who did remember are the ones whose birthdays i forgot myslef. its like im being paid back for my past forgetfullnes. something like this would never even have been an issue with me a couple of years ago. i pratically forgot my own birthday but now, i still dont care, but its an issue if you get what im saying.
that said, i cannot forget the people who didnt forget, actually it would be better say 'remembered'. i love you guys, thank you so so much. you wont understand how much it meant to me.
those of you who forgot, i still love you. but i wont buy you any chocolate when i get back. hahahahahahahaha...i am evil, am i not?
shit, i told you i was getting older. lets just dump all the emotional hooblah (my own word) shall we? i was reading this awesome blog the other day and i really connected with most of the things she was talking about cos i went through all those feelings half a decade ago (the oldness shines through doesnt it). well any way, she was talking about the sick cycle that kids and parents seem to be in today. luckily, mine were cool so i had a pretty relaxed time growing up. did a lot of stupid stuff and now i wont do them again but my parents knew i was doing them they told me it was wrong but let me make my own decisions. but a lot of friends of mine were put under super pressure from their folks and they had to do a lot of silly stuff to hide their stupid, more fun, activities.
most parents, at some level, know what their children are upto. time for a personal stroy. this story's about my my first real reationship, in common parlance, my first girlfriend. we had a brilliant time. but she went through something that resembles hell. you know, the place that has a lot of fire and a red dude with tails and a horn poking his hapless victims with a trident. no this is not some bdsm shit. yeah, that hell!!!well anyway, we had some really good times but apparently her parents would have killed her if they found out. now im sure that her mom knew. so why not drop the charade, accept the fact that human beings, male or female, are attracted to the opposite sex. there are those of us who swing differantly, but i'll go into that another time.
why can they not accpet that its all part of growing up. a lot of people say that its all because of the influence of the west. there's a lot the west can offer that is good and if we accept that globalisation has changed the way the world is today we can begin to infuse the good from around the world into the indian way. makes sense eh? by trying to suppress something that will not be put down will only make us rebel and do things that aren't so good. so all you over bearing parents, "wake the fuck up. take a good look at the world and you'll see that times have changed and the faster you realise that, the better".
but i have some harsh views on suicide. i think its wrong. frankly its more than wrong, its cowardly and stupid. its said that we cannot make a judgement unless we have walked a mile in the person's shoes. in my opinion, nothing is that bad that we have no other choice but to take our own life. seriously, think about it. there's always an answer to every problem. and its upto us to take life by its unfairs tail and make it move in the direction that we want it to. its not like i'm a-sympathetic toward people who decide to take that extreme act and end their life. some people have it really rough, like the poor farmers in andhra pradesh, and for them it really seems like there's no way out. for them there is some justification. some, not a lot. but for people who do it because some girl wont go out with them,no way man, for them its just pity. pity at their utter stupidity and lack of the basic courage to face up to the shit this life thorws at them. personally, i feel that life's not always bad and yes though the lumps of crap come flying thick and fast at times, there is always something to feel thankful and happy for.
come to think of it. i love my life and the lows just make the highs seem so much higher. the sad times make the joy so much more intense and its for those times that i live. till then i only exist. until that moment when i can feel my presence in this world. my presence, that fills the immidiate space around with all encompassing joy. thats why we are all here, to enjoy every possible minute so that every day slowly becomes better than the rest.
