for a reason/ land of nod
ive been trying ti write something for sometime now buti just cant seem to find anything interesting to write. ive started a couple of times but they just ran out juice after the first paragraph. but its like a sort of release when i write and it always makes me feel better about my life. thats not to say that my life sucks and its all shit but its been a low period of late.
you see i've always held to the belief that my presence had some purpose.that there was something that only i could do, my destiny, something that was completely and totally me. this probably is the reason behind so many of the decisions i've made so far. but of late, the circumstances of my continued existence seem to have become slightly stagnant. why or how i do not know and this leads me to the problem. if you do not know the problem, its difficult to find a solution. i wouldnt say that it's impossible; never confuse the improbable with the impossible!!
to make things worse, the last two days have been really shitty. before i go into that, im going to share my phillosophy on work. its something i read somewhere. work like u dont need the money. and if you think about it its almost the only way to be happy. for instance, when you working on something that you really like, money become almost inconsequential. its more like an added attraction rather that the main event. but when money is the only motivator, happiness just flies out of the window. its depressing. and i just realised im gonna have to work like that for a couple of months if i'm going to get my life back on track. and to top it all, my phone's gone a dead. that means im almost disconnected. and that is very very bad.
life here has a really ethereal feel. its like everything is just a dream. that soon im going to wake up and be in madras again. madras where everything is real. everything is normal. life here, for me, is subnormal. nothing seems to break the surface of reality. like living in the land of nod. in the sub state between asleep and awake. fragile, transcient but almost , almost, real. its not always happy but i know i'm going to wake up soon.
that reminds me. im a really wierd sleeper. i do all sorts of funny stuff. once on a bus, niki and i were on our way to bangalore and sometime in the night i decided to visit Nod. i suddenly get an elbow jabbed into my side and my bro telling me to shut up. apparently i had been laughing really loudly. haha...
the day before, i dreamt that i was taking care of some children. why? fuck knows. but i ended up singing, in the dream and out loud. madness i tell you. i have even slept with my eyes open.
i shall now end this extremely disjoint episode of my life with a slight anitclimax and actually go to sleep. hopefully i shall not sing or laugh or any other evidence of mental instability. one must keep up one's appearance, must one not?!!!
